I recently had someone use this word in front of me! No, it’s not the “C” word that first comes to mind!!! This “C” word is even worse! CANCER! And, I was told, I HAD CANCER! Anyone who has been affected or effected for that matter, by this ugly monster can attest, it makes you …
angry! I went in for my scheduled colonoscopy because of some “shitty” issues I was experiencing. It’s okay to laugh. I just did! Thank God for my sense of humor; it has always kept me going. Laughter has been my key to happiness and healthiness, for that matter. I still have it, and it will never go away; it’s just who I am. It’s funny (oh wow, funny is a strange word to use) how things you thought mattered no longer do! One day you are worrying about wrinkles, gray hair, and those little fat pudges on your ass. Then the next, those things don’t even seem to matter anymore. Now your focus has changed. I noticed I smile more at strangers, and they smile back. When the clerk at the store asks you how you’re doing? Your immediate answer is to say, “I have cancer!” But you don’t, you say, “doing well, how about you?” It’s just small talk; in fact, you don’t know what personal struggle they may be going through at the time too.
I always thought that if you had Cancer, you weren’t a healthy person. And that certainly isn’t me. I eat well, exercise daily, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, drink minimally, value my sleep, and generally speaking, take good care of myself. In the last decade, I have become increasingly aware of my environment and what I choose to put in my body. I don’t use harsh chemicals to clean with; I primarily use glass products to drink, eat, and store foods in; I use natural deodorant, etc. What I don’t understand is why more people in society don’t ask why! Why do we use toxic chemicals to clean with? Why do we put creams on our bodies that are nothing but nasty chemicals? Why do we spray poison on our yards without protective gear on? Why do we eat foods that aren’t even real food? Who is guiding us? And do they genuinely have our best interest in mind? Or is it all about the bottom line? PROFIT! Selling and producing things and foods that do not benefit us, but instead help the pocketbooks of the manufacturer. They want our money! Are you hooked? Do you believe the story they are telling you? Even worse, our industry tests to see how to manipulate us to crave the taste of their foods. We have become addicted to the harmful products our bodies are ingesting through our stomachs and our skin. Yes, I have done and used “bad” things. But I do remember the day it hit me that I should ask why! Yet here I am, smack dab in the middle of a cancer diagnosis. I have to admit. It’s pretty messed up! Mention my name, would anyone ever think it could happen to me? Not anyone, and definitely not myself!!
So here I am, on a journey, I didn’t sign up for. It’s like being on a rollercoaster and just wanting to get off! I don’t even like rollercoasters! So why the hell am I on one?
I wish I knew how long this demon has been living in my body. It feels like my body has betrayed my mind. The night after my diagnosis, I was up at 1:00 a.m., googling, “why do you get colon cancer if you’re healthy?” Looking for the answers on this screen before me, and even more so, looking for answers deep inside me! How did I not know? Damnit, I can even tell when my blood pressure is high! Did I ever think my GI issues could have ever been this? Hell NO! Why didn’t I speak up more about them? Where they too embarrassing? Um, of course! But knowing what I know now, I would have yelled from the top of a building into a crowd. “Why do I poop like this?” “Why does it feel like my guts are falling out?” “Why do my intestines hurt?” “Why do I have bloody mucus?” They say Cancer doesn’t hurt. Well, whatever the hell my body was facing did. And it was a clear sign that something was not right. Don’t be embarrassed, speak up, if you’re having any kind of issues that aren’t natural, tell your doctor. What sucks more is this! Now I continually think back to what started this. Was it IBS? Who knows! Does it even matter? All I know is that it’s here now, and I will fight this fight!
I tried eating it away. These bowel issues of mine, they were undoubtedly caused by eating the “wrong foods!” You know, foods my body didn’t like. The funny thing is, I could never honestly figure out what foods those were? I tried eliminating different ones. And when I did, I would feel better! Then I would go over and over the cycle.
Wait, I ate that again, and it didn’t do that to me! Why not? It is beyond frustrating. Is it my hormones? Yep, that is it. After all, I am 51 years old now, and my hormones have changed. Nope, that isn’t it. It must be the vitamins and supplements I am ingesting? Yep, that’s what it is. I will just eliminate those, and my symptoms will go away.
You see, none of this back and forth of food testing ever truly worked. Did I have times I felt better? Yes! To where I almost felt healed. But then it would pop up again and show its ugly head. So tiring, and oh so frustrating. But I never gave up trying. And I won’t give up now. Now I know what is causing my pain, discomfort, and achiness. It’s the monster inside of me — the worst word you can say in the English language. If you even mention the “C” word to anyone, they all have a look of horror on their face. This little worthless, no needed slug. If I could rip it out of my body right now, I totally would. I am angry that my body did this to me! Wasn’t I kind to it? Why me? Why now? It truly doesn’t matter our age, no one thinks, “What the hell does it matter? I am 50, 60, or 70 years old!” Nope, not one single person! To those of you who are also facing Cancer, never give up hope, we got this!!! I believe our mental attitude is just as important as what we do physically. So please, do NOT let this stop you from living. Get a sound support system, whether it is friends or family. And never stop believing you can overcome this and win!
I have Cancer – Cancer doesn’t have me!!!
*Note – My advice to you is to be an advocate for yourself. Be preventative, ask questions, and, most importantly, get the proper care. Do NOT, and I genuinely mean this, do NOT trust any doctor with your life. Just because they have the certification to be a doctor does not make them a good one! They work for you! Make sure to research your diagnosis, your physician, and any and every bit of information you are given. You are the only one who knows how you feel and what you want for your body. Do this for YOU and everyone who cares for you!!
My Diagnosis: Tumor in my sigmoid colon approximately 2” in size, the tumor is malignant (meaning it is most definitely Cancer). The biopsy came back that it is invasive adenocarcinoma, aka colon cancer that can most likely spread.
She is passionate about helping others understand their body.
The key to figuring out why you feel the way you feel is to take a more significant look at what is going on inside you & even around you, and then ask questions!
She is excited to help & support you on your journey of optimal health and wellness!
